Heard a salted caramel doughnut calling my name 👀
I’m still keeping to a healthy amount of calories, haven’t skipped a day yet BUT I realised that my mind was always pushing for me and I was trying to battle these secret thoughts.
Instead of being happy with my progress, it was never enough.
I didn’t feel proud of myself, I felt more disgusted than ever.
I forgot the most important thing, weight does not determine your self worth.
I had been telling myself, “just lose one more pound and I’ll be closer to being a worthy person”
I’ve been struggling with depressive thoughts these past few weeks because I’ve had to challenge what I’d wired my brain to think.
Do I want to lose weight? Yes, of course. But is it the only thing that matters? NO! Am I ugly because I have a few extra pounds? NO! Should I hide myself away, do I deserve to have such self loathing and social anxiety because of a number on a scale? FUCK NO!
It’s hard for me to find a balance between healthy and obsessive, I’ll be honest.
In many ways, I know if I hadn’t been bullied for my weight & appearance so constantly as a child, I wouldn’t struggling so much as an adult.
I can’t change what happened in my past but I can determine my future. Their words do not have to echo in my mind every time I look into a mirror.
I will learn to love myself.

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2 thoughts on “Numbers on a scale

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