So, the sexual abuse advocate came and she was AMAZING.

She’s going to help me apply for PIP and support me for as long as I need.

She’s referred me to two different counselling places and she’s speaking with my mental health team and explaining that I need better care because although I may appear high functioning, I am also having difficulty in many areas in my life and my mental health has been unsupported for too long under their services.

We spoke about my childhood and she was so caring. She helped me understand I grew up in a household that was full of domestic violence, even though it wasn’t physical, it was still 100% domestic violence towards me, my mother, and my siblings.

That’s one of the things I’ll be receiving counselling for.

I explained what happened with my police case when I reported him and the event and leading up to it and after. She told me that sadly, only 6% of sexual assault cases get taken to court. She did say she could check with social services and see if they’re still safe guarding my siblings and try and find out if they’re being protected long term. That she thinks he had been grooming me from a young age, hence why he made me drink regularly from age 11 onwards and that he was a “typical predator type”. That he spent time cleverly convincing family and others that what I said couldn’t be trusted because of my mental health issues and that his emotional abuse was to weaken and isolate me. That he made me drink the night it happened to weaken my case against him, just like how he made me smoke a joint (which I pretended to smoke) after he did it to make me seem even more unreliable to others. That it was calculated and well thought out.

That his abuse of my mother is unfortunately why she has stood by him but I did the right thing for my mental health to get out of the situation and report him.

She confirmed my questions about other incidents with him- such as him coming into my room to “talk to me” whilst I was naked (I was getting ready to go out to a friend’s) and he refused to leave the room even though I was naked and stood looking at me..

And when he would make constant comments about my breasts growing up.
That I wasn’t exaggerating or being “too sensitive”, that he is abusive and what he put us all through is and was abuse and he groomed and specific chose to assault me because he saw my vulnerability. He saw the lack of support in my mental health and knew he could twist and make it seem like I was just a bad child who made up stories. He knew exactly what he was doing.
I feel relieved. It was cathartic and she was wonderful. I feel heard and she really took it all seriously, she understood what I was saying and she helped me understand what he did to me a little more and reassure me I did the right thing.

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