Anger is something I’ve seen destroy so many people.
I’ve seen it manifest through generations.
Young children hitting others at school because that’s what they see daddy do to mommy at home.
I’ve seen the kindest souls be overlooked because the trauma they’ve endured has caused a ferocious anger that even they’re afraid of. They can’t seek help because people don’t see the pain, they see the holes in the walls, the broken glass from another smashed mirror because they feel nothing but shame and can’t bare to see their own reflection.
They lose jobs, relationships, friendships because they’re unable to shake their fury.
But that can’t cry because who do they have to blame but themselves?
They lash out verbally at their loved ones, emotional abuse.
Threaten. Gaslight. Live in denial.
They hurt others because they despise themselves. Zero confidence, so they try to dominate and bully, just so for a moment they feel powerful. Feel in control.
Always a desperate need for control, why? Because they were never in control as a child. From the moment they were born, life was cruel. Their parents didn’t mean to hurt them but they were so wrapped up in their own troubles that they neglected their children. They never had anyone to speak to, so they learned to bottle their emotions, and eventually that became a belief that showing emotion is a sign of weakness.
This isn’t a supportive or forgiving post about these kinds of people, it’s just a perspective I’ve seen too many times. A haunting one.
Years and years of bullying only confirmed their belief of being weak. They stopped feeling for people in the way they used to, the world felt so evil. At home, at school, nowhere was safe. The first time they were ever praised, it was for winning a physical fight against someone. That moment of praise was mistaken for love and they were never truly taught was love was but they know they craved it. In their young mind, two connections were made. Violence = Admiration. Violence = The only way to solve a situation. They grow older but their mindset doesn’t mature but they’re no longer protecting themselves. They’re overpowering others. They’ve normalised it.

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One thought on “Growing a monster.

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